How Do I Find a Therapist I Actually Like Talking To?

Finding a therapist can feel a little intimidating. You may know that you want someone to talk to, but figuring out who that person should be can feel less obvious.

You can read someone’s credentials, look through their specialties, and understand their approach, but still wonder about something much simpler: Will I actually like talking to this person?

I think that matters.

Therapy asks you to talk about yourself in ways you may not talk about yourself anywhere else. Your relationships, the things you second guess, the conversations you replay in your head, and the parts of yourself you are still trying to understand. It makes sense that you would want to have those conversations with someone you feel comfortable with.

It is okay to care about your therapist’s personality.

Credentials and experience matter. But so does the person sitting across from you.

You may want someone warm. Someone who feels genuine. Someone you can laugh with. Someone who talks with you rather than simply listening while you do all of the talking.

You may just want a therapist who feels easy to talk to.

Feeling comfortable does not make therapy any less meaningful. Often, it is what allows the more meaningful conversations to happen.

Pay attention to how you feel.

A consultation can tell you a lot.

Do you feel like you can be yourself? Does the conversation feel natural? Do you feel heard? Are you curious about what this person might help you understand about yourself?

And maybe most importantly, can you imagine wanting to come back and continue the conversation?

There is no one personality or therapy style that is right for everyone. You are looking for someone who feels right for you.

Easy to talk to does not mean they always agree with you.

Feeling comfortable with your therapist does not mean they should simply tell you what you want to hear.

Some of the most valuable moments in therapy happen when someone notices something you have not noticed, offers another perspective, or asks a question that makes you stop and think.

I want therapy to feel warm and conversational, but I also want it to give you something. A new perspective. A clearer understanding of yourself. A connection you had not made before.

You can genuinely enjoy talking to your therapist and still be challenged by the conversation. I think finding someone who can offer you both is what makes the relationship so valuable.